After discovering the potential place where this whispered challenge may have been pointing/suggesting… I then had the uncomfortable decision of whether or not to pursue the call or decline the invitation. And believe me, my mind (or…rather more so; the physical ‘brain’ portion of my material-body) was working hard to convince me NOT to. The rational ‘brain-voice’ was listing many different reasons, attempting to talk me OUT of going there. ⁣

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       Reasons such as; I have the kids that night, so it’ll be late in the evening when I drop them off, I would probably be tired, there’s a big storm rolling in, the dirt roads leading to the field may be muddy; I could get stuck, I would have to walk through wet & cold tall grass; my clothes would get uncomfortable, if it got dark; I could cross paths with barbed wire or cacti, there could be livestock roaming the field, they could be dangerous… 

       Basically, the “conform to normality/rationality” portion of my mind insisted that I ‘should not go.’ It even tried to bargain that I could come back another time, another day, when the weather & planning was better.⁣ And I almost didn’t go. The coercion nearly succeeded. 


        Then something happened that I still cannot fully comprehend nor explain. It was as though there were 2 voices in my mind; there was the one that I had known for decades, since childhood. The one that I have heard for a very long time; the loud one, that often gave excuses and was demoralizing at times. Then suddenly, unexpectedly, there was another voice which had been silent for so long, that I had nearly forgotten it even existed. This smaller voice rejected the avoidance-reasons from the other. It quietly suggested that I’m being duped. That I may miss a special opportunity.⁣

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       It’s difficult to explain, but beyond the 2 voices, there was another facet… (non-voice) but rather more so a ‘feeling.’ Like an impression. A deeper inner-consciousness. It spoke no words, but it had an understanding, or a “knowing.” And that 3rd “feeling” impressed onto me, that; it was important that I chose THAT night to go. 

       It knew, somehow, that: It wasn’t the date that was important. It wasn’t even the location that mattered, honestly. It was the decision itself. The intention. ⁣

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       What was important was: Deciding, willfully, to reject my mind’s ‘obey/comply’ voice, and to break the links of that chained, barely-audible, inner voice. The time and opportunity to sacrifice the old; was Now. Or else; risk being shacked even further… if I failed to rebel now. 

       And as soon as that little (previously) enslaved voice spoke over the other; the disparaging loud voice silenced, disappeared and was gone. It had nothing left to say. It was gone-gone. ‘Where’ it went, I do not know.⁣

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       So that night as the sun began to set, and after dropping off the kids; I went home, changed my shoes and left again. Heading towards the field that I was meant to find. What I didn’t expect to find there, though; was a tree. A solitary tree in the middle of the field. I hadn’t noticed it from the road where I parked far away.

       It was a peculiar tree. It looked as though it had, at one point, been struck by lighting? One half was rounded with a lush leafy top, but the other part of the tree was barren, lifeless with broken branches. Half dead, half alive. ⁣

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       Seeing no other notable options on the field and recalling the ‘sigil’ I witness in the previous dream; I assumed that the tree’s existence must be meaningful in some way, or perhaps held some greater significance? So I went to the tree.

       Lying at the base of the tree were bones. Many bones. Some from large animals mostly; perhaps livestock, or antelope, deer maybe, from what I could guess? It was difficult to tell. Curious of all though, was the spine. There was a very large spine hanging from the tree, it had been placed there intentionally. ⁣

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       I didn’t feel alone at the tree, I felt heard. So I talked. I didn’t know who I was speaking to… the Succubi? A Succubus? A Greater Spirit? Spirits in general? I don’t know, but I spoke. Everything that I had always wanted to say, it came out in a sporadic torrent. All the the things I longed for, yearned to know and experience. At times tears streaked down my face of their own accord, even if I didn’t necessarily feel sad about what I was saying. I stayed there a long time, after I had said all the words I wanted to say; I realized that I hadn’t given the openness of the air a breath to reply. So I decided that it was time to be quiet and to listen. ⁣

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       A storm did indeed roll in. It was beautiful. As the sunlight disappeared to the west, thunderous clouds and lightning arose in the east. Carrying with it petrichor, wind and light rain as it slowly approached the field, approaching me. I quietly observed the fading light, growing darkness, the storm, the field, the tree and the stars. And I was at peace. I heard no words, but I didn’t need to. I was content in the sounds that were naturally all around me. Words weren’t necessary. They were just noise anyhow. ⁣

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       I stayed there for hours, until the night sky was pitch dark. When I decided I should probably head home, I stood up to walked forward (pondering how to go about choosing my steps when I couldn’t see my feet)… It was at that exact moment when I stepped out from under the tree; a large owl swooped in the air above me & the tree. It seemed (to me) as though it originally wanted to stop and perch in the tree. But when it spotted me, it must have changed course and continued to fly in the direction leading away from the coming storm. Which coincidentally was the direction I needed to travel, to get back to my car and go home. ⁣

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       I didn’t, at that time, know the symbology of what Owls represented. Nor did I even know who Lilith was either (except as a ‘fictional’ character from games, movies and shows). So, to me; the owl was just a really amazing gift-of-the-moment, because I have always loved owls since I was a child. Especially Great-horned owls, those had always been my favorite. I drew & colored pictures of them often. My mother was a falconer and I always wished she would get an owl. Though she never did.⁣

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       Wet, muddy and ready for a meal, I trudged back through the field and to my car, somehow managing to miss every cactus & prairie dog hole, despite being unable to see the ground at all. And… Well… That was the conclusion to my night.

       There was no great epiphany, no answering voices in the darkness and no universal truths revealed. But, I did defy the voice of subjugation, choosing to followed my desires to step into the mysteries of the world-unseen. Choosing, that night, to abandon the canons of orthodox religion and allow myself to approach the Path that I’ve been curious about, for so long. And what follows in the day’s to come… is more and more unexpected and profound.