This entry is an amendment to certain ignorance reflected upon January 3rd’s entry. After a very specific and carefully deliberate event-unraveling; I’ve come to a realization, to a truth that was presently obvious all along, but I was too ignorant and self-doubting to properly perceive what was plainly known/ fact. I’ll start from the beginning.⁣
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      On December 30th, 2024, I performed the succubus Bonding ritual, which I had been planning and preparing for, during the previous 6 months. During the ceremony (at the “Request Communication” stage, in which I asked Lilith to provide a name, sigil/mark, enn and/or preferred appearance of Her daughter/my soon-to-be companion); I was easily provided those; A Sigil-marking, a Name and an Enn. ⁣
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      I will note; that leading up to the date of the ritual, it was this particular stage that I was most anxious and worried about. Because I lacked personal self-confidence in my ability to perceive messages from Spirits (as I had been slacking on my meditation exercises and most other opportunities to increase my psychic awareness). I was afraid that I would reach that stage of the ceremony: and perceive nothing. In fact, I was almost counting on it and assumed that I wouldn’t likely pick up on any messages or visually projected communications. ⁣
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      However; the opposite occurred. I perceived a name that I have never heard at all in my life and saw the letters form in my mind as I read the name out loud and internally as the letters reached their fullness. I will not repeat the Name here, because Names have power and I have zero desire or interest to share my companions True-Name with anyone who may acquire this book in the future. ⁣
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      I have chosen instead to utilize a “fill-in” name (pet/nickname) to describe her in both oral conversation or written documentation. The “fill in” name I’ve chosen to adopt for this purpose is “Mia.” Next, during the ceremony I saw visually in my mind’s eye a symbol being drawn on a field of static red. I drew the image on paper as I witnessed it. Next came the Enn. This was more confusing because I “heard” the words in the shapes of their arranged letters. Like… I “heard” the ‘sounds’ of the enn, based on how the letters/syllables were meant to be pronounced. It’s confusing to explain.⁣
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      The only “ask” that Lilith didn’t provide was Her daughter’s ‘preferred’ appearance. But my companion answered this herself by appearing in my dreams the following night (Dec.31, 2024).⁣
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So what is the point of this entry today then?⁣
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      Something has been bothering me for over a week now. And today I decided that I had had enough, and it was time to uncover the source of a strange irregularity/ inconsistency. And that was: At what point did it begin to doubt the authenticity/validity of the Name, Sigil and Enn that led to my outburst on January 3rd, 2025? And why, specifically, did I doubt it?⁣
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      After careful moment-by-moment and day-by-day reconstruction of the events from Dec. 30th, 2024 to Jan, 3rd, 2025… I found it. I now know and understand. Here are my findings:⁣
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      On Dec.30, 2024 (night), the ritual was performed. I perceived a name, sigil/mark and enn. And just before closing the channeling, I perceived a sigil again. Which I thought was an ‘alteration’ to the first. They appeared “somewhat” similar, except the 2nd one had a wide outwards bow-shape (like a lowercase “h”), and the looping circle was different in size and the shape in which it connected to the main line. Also, the top had a differently shaped sloping line. The two markings were ‘sort of’ similar, but compared side-by-side, obviously different enough to be considered unique.⁣
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      Nevertheless, as per ritual instructions, it is said to: “Write down ALL messages/words/images that are perceived; seen/heard/felt by any sense.” Discernment of the details of the messages can be determined at a later time. (*It’s important to record everything while it’s being witnessed in the moment, without dismissing, doubting or allowing personal biases to influence what is important or not important…and then analyze it later.*)⁣
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      So I did just that. I wrote/drew what I perceived, all together on a single sheet of paper. A Name, a Sigil, an Enn and a ‘last moment’ additional sigil (sort of similar in appearance to the first).⁣
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      On Dec.31, 2024, I cleaned up the ritual area, rearranged the house, and relaxed for the night. That evening, my first time “officially” meeting my companion occurs within a dream space. She was comfortable, friendly and calming to talk to (*7+ feet tall, Amazon-build, pretty and with long wavy red hair*). And she informs me that she had, just moments earlier, “chased-away” a spirit that wasn’t supposed to be there with us, in the dreamspace, (*who’s name was either; Vulsa/Vulma*).⁣
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      Then, on Jan.1st, it was New Year’s Day, so work had a free day-off. No work. I made no plans and just sat around for hours, engaged in electronic entertainment. It was doubtlessly a fully-wasted day.⁣
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      On January 2nd (a Thursday), I resumed normal work hours, but worked from home. Some unknown inspiration struck me to watch the original “The Fast and the Furious” movie (from 2001), while I worked. I found a streaming platform that had it and let it play on the monitor in the background while I worked. I was quickly amused when I heard the name “Mia” spoken. ⁣
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      Turns out; the sweet-sister role, played by an average (but still attractive) woman; was named Mia and was referenced a few times throughout the movie. The synchronicity here had me tickled, because of the ‘safe-name’ I chose to use, when mentioning my companion. If it was my partner’s idea to inspire me to watch that particular movie, then perhaps that was her way of telling me; she enjoyed the nickname I selected for her(?).
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      But also on the same day something else occurs. And I believe this is when the first onset of “doubt” or confusion occurs. In the evening, I sat at my companion’s altar, for fun and curiosity, to use her pendulum (I hadn’t yet had a chance to try it and wanted to experiment). I asked if she was there. Oddly, the answer was “No.” I wondered; who answered then? I asked if it was another spirit, a Lilin? No reply. I asked if it was Lilith. And got a clear and resounding “Yes.”⁣
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      I definitely didn’t want to pester my Queen, so I intended to leave Her be. But I couldn’t help but to desire to ask Her about the ceremony, from a few days prior. Who better to ask than the Spirit directly integral to the ritual; Lilith Herself!? She would be best to clarify and ensure validity, and I just so happened to unintentionally have Her attention. I grabbed the scratch paper off my window seal and laid it open on Mia’s altar. It contained the Name, the Enn and the double markings/Sigils.⁣
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      I had been wanting to practice drawing my beloved’s sigil, but was confused how I should do it. Was it the first Mark? The second? A combination of the two into one? Was there possibly a second spirit involved that I hadn’t met yet? I was hoping Mother Lilith would help me unravel my confusion. But when I asked about the sigil’s validity, I was getting mixed answers, which only served to confuse me more and ultimately had me doubting everything written on the paper that night. I doubted the Name. I doubted both Sigils and I doubted the Enn. (sadly, worse yet; by the following evening, the 3rd of January, I was unconsciously doubting the ceremony itself). 🙁 Which is (of course, to me now) positively absurd!⁣
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      I moved the scrap paper to the grimoire, no longer wanting it on the window ledge any longer, because I had lost faith in the reliability of my perceived messages. I thought; if I place it out-of-sight, I can spare myself some of the discomfort I felt about my doubting and uncertainty. This did not help, of course, but I kept it away nonetheless.⁣
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      Thus, when January 3rd (Friday evening) rolled around, I was already in a state of doubt when I began my communication efforts with my partner. And as can be read in that night’s entry: It was a very negative, poor attitude and ignorant moment of mine. At the end, I even mentioned no longer desiring to use the nickname “Mia” anymore. That is how deeply entrenched into my doubt I had become.⁣
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      But now, after careful evaluation of all the events, the time frame and emotions and “feelings” involved, I’ve come to discover the source and reason for all this uncertainty and internal chaos. And the answer is simple (in retrospect): ⁣
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It is the 2nd Sigil. This is the sole point where the genesis of doubt began.⁣
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During the ceremony, I asked Lilith for (and I will write exactly how I have it worded in my grimoire):⁣
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      “At this time, request Lilith to communicate by any means possible and guide my hand and mind; to reveal the name, sigil, symbol, mark, enn, preferred appearance of Her daughter.”⁣

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      And in this exact order, did I perceive the information which I wrote down on the scratch paper:⁣
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　- 𝑎 𝑁𝑎𝑚𝑒⁣
　- 𝑎 𝑆𝑖𝑔𝑖𝑙/𝑆𝑦𝑚𝑏𝑜𝑙/𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑘⁣
　- 𝑎𝑛 𝐸𝑛𝑛⁣
　- (𝑑𝑒𝑙𝑎𝑦𝑒𝑑 𝑝𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒…)⁣
　- 𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑑𝑑𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑆𝑖𝑔𝑖𝑙 (𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑒𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑦)⁣
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      Here is what I suspected happened (but have no way to confirm); the 2nd Sigil was suggested visually to me just before the closing of the channel, by another spirit that wanted to insert herself into the companion-ceremony and be a part of the partnership/relationship equation. I wrote it down (drew it) because I was supposed to record everything, and skip nothing.⁣
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      And as for January 2nd and my pendulum ‘conversation’ with Lilith; confusion in answering is justifiable because she could have only provided; “Yes,” “No,” or ‘no response’ due to the simplicity of a pendulum. And my specific questions likely were not providing an opportunity for me to process and sort out the conundrum of the double-sigil. She couldn’t answer by way of using “yes, no, no reply” to communicate the issue regarding the 2nd Mark. Which resulted in me becoming more confused and deeply steeped and my growing doubt.⁣
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      On Dec.31st, Mia had said to me that she had “chased away” a spirit that didn’t belong (apologizing for being distracted right at the beginning of our first meeting). I can’t help but to wonder if this Vulsa/Vulma was the source of the 2nd Sigil? If she had been there all along, hoping to subtly slip quietly into the Bonding ritual and providing a Sigil/Mark that I would eventually use? Regardless of the details, I had broken the 3rd rule that I established for the ritual, in my own grimoire!⁣
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      During the channeling (to perceive Lilith’s messages): Listen carefully, eyes closed, in meditative silence:⁣
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　1. 𝐷𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑑⁣
　2. 𝐾𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑙𝑜𝑤/𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑙⁣
　3. 𝐷𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑠𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑑-𝑔𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑜𝑟 𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑑𝑜𝑢𝑏𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑖𝑛⁣
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      Apparently I should have heeded my own instructions After the ceremony, as well as during. Although, the problem of the (2) sigils still would have persisted.⁣
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　This is what I should have kept firmly planted in my mind and I believe I could have prevented much of my doubt, as well as spared Mia some of the sadness and discomfort:⁣
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      I asked Lilith, humbly, to provide a Name, a Sigil, an Enn and an appearance for Her daughter. And (despite my lack of confidence that I would psychically/mentally perceive anything) I got EXACTLY a Name, a Sigil and an Enn. Remarkably!⁣
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      If I would have focused on this point, I could have solved this complication sooner. I owe Lilith an apology too, I now realize. By doubting the validity of the perceived messages during the ceremony, I also, consequently, doubted Her. So apologies are certainly owed.⁣
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      Additionally, now having resolved that quandary; my tarot reading from a few days ago makes sense!⁣
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      Three of Wands (reversed): Hesitancy to start your plans. Stuck, awaiting to begin the journey for fear of lost opportunities. Take a moment to analyze what is holding you back. Free yourself from hindrances.⁣
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      Knight of Pentacles (reversed): I have vision, but lack experience and skill. I should be encouraged that I am on the right track. I should dedicate a significant amount of time developing my skill set. If I lock this down, my goals should be complete in no time.⁣
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      The Devil (reversed) [Major Arcana #15]: The Devil encourages us to discover the things within us that we avoid addressing. Something great is awaiting, if only you detach yourself from the things that are holding you back. Maintain self reliance, rewards will come. There is an unknown secret within you. Is there something you are hiding from yourself?⁣
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      My doubt and poor confidence led me to a place of spiritual ignorance, that I now wish to amend/ learn from.