I decided (quite randomly and unplanned) that I wanted to host a larger communion / time-of-honoring session for & with Mother Lilith. I had no goals, agenda nor plans; besides simply wishing to invite in Her presence & energy, while basking in the appreciation of Her being.

 

      I set up a large altar in the living room, bringing in many various elements from Her altar (from my room) to serve as the decor & offerings that I arranged in the living room. The primary piece being (of course); Her portrait painting I created and gifted to her many months prior. As well as Her decorated candle (for light) and many other trinkets.

 

      I drew a circle around the altar using dried rose petals (Her offerings of roses from previous gifts, preserved for uses such as this). Sealed the circle with Her blessing, with sage smoke and with palo santos smoke & an edged blade.

 

      Then I began my praising and thanking of Her for all the amazing and beautiful gifts of knowledge, kindness, awakening and how She has touched my life in many areas- bringing me always enlightened and love. Afterwards, I simply wished to gaze upon Her painting, the light from the candle lazyily drifting and playing the with shadows along the canvas.

 

      I watched the canvas, unblinking, and very subtly at first…the painting began to change (or at least, my visualized perception of the painting). I studied Her face more intently, and that was primarily where the shift began to happen, though I was also aware of other shifts in my periphery.

 

      The face on the Her portrait began to change form. It would appear different, then switch back. Change again to something new, then change back. What started slowly began to ramp with speed. Her face would change, then change, then shift again, faster and faster. From one guise to the next second after second, sometimes changing twice in the midst of the same second.

 

      So fast, the multitude of alternate ‘faces’ began to blur by, shifting, morphing, changing; that my mind couldn’t even fully memorize the details of one, before a new one was being revealed to me. Many of them were beautiful. Some smiling widely, some poised and hawty, others were sensual and seductive. But as the faces changed more and more, the fullness (the overarching imagery) was depicting that most of the faces were hideous, monstrous, angry, frightening, cruel.

 

      In between the ‘ugly’ visages of the faces, a few ‘pretty’ ones would pop in. But it became quickly apparent that the vast majority of the changing faces were of a foul visage. And it was at that moment I had a revelation, or epiphany. And the moment that this realization entered my mind; my entire body was jolted with a blast of electric, tingling, wave of energy that was so strong, it arched my back to sit up straight, it travelled up to my neck to arch and tip my head back (up towards the ceiling). And I sat paused, in that posture, until the sensation subsided; giving me a physically “frozen/paralyzed” moment to reflect (undistracted) on what this thought was revealing to me.

 

      These flashes of imagery (the multitude of faces) were not the characteristics/ appearances that Lilith had placed on Herself.; Whether it be the seldom ‘beautiful’ images – to the hideous ones….

 

      These images/faces are what were placed ON Her by others who envisioned Her. She wore the masks that others had created FOR Her to wear; so that they would be content in their ‘ideal’ of who Lilith is to them.

 

      The faces I saw were the masks made by the humans that imagined Her appearances. 

 

      And I was very very saddened to understand (by Her showing me many of them) that the number of ‘scary & unkind’ faces vastly outnumbered those of the ‘Motherly & beautiful.’

 

      It seemed to suggest to me; that for as long as Lilith has existed, throughout all time, the vast number of us who consider Her, saw Her as a monster to be feared. It’s heartbreaking really, that She has so seldomly gotten an opportunity to show how guiding, patient and nurturing She could be; because She was ‘demonized’ from the very get-go.

 

      So many humans/ people/ spirits ‘could’ benefit from her guidance and love, but the vast majority of us wouldn’t even dare to give Her even a chance to try. They would rather cast a mask of ‘ugliness & danger’ onto Her… Believing in the biases instead of forming their own experience-based opinion, then never give Her a second thought.

 

      I feel so grateful to Her, but also to myself (and my own resolve) that I was willing to push past the constraining barrier of religious programming, and be able & willing to step outside of the comfort-space of acceptable conformity…into the shadows of mystery and find Her (in order to find myself).

 

      And as I’ve told Her in the past, I reiterated again last night; that it didn’t matter to me what she looked like (appearances are an illusion anyways); that I loved Her always and would always remain committed to pursue Her.